My sister died this week. It was a shock because it was sudden, yet not. We all knew she would die relatively young and it was a bit surprising she made it into her fifties. The official cause of death is a heart attack, but she was an addict for more than 40 years including up to the day she died.
I’ve spent hours processing her life this week trying to find the meaning and purpose of why I was born to be her sister. Wondering why her life was so much more difficult than mine and wishing it had not been. Desperately trying to focus on the good. As siblings leading vastly different lives our relationship was contentious. She called me names when I tried to help. She called me names when I set boundaries when I knew I could not help. We did not cut each other any slack because we were siblings. Through it all I knew we both wished things were different.
I was nine when she ran away the first time. She slipped in and out of our lives for the rest of hers. The contacts usually fell into two categories: when she needed something or when she thought she had it back together. Each time she tried to build a relationship. I don’t remember when I gave up hope that she would change, but I know that I eventually mentally checked out of the sibling relationship. The last conversation I had with her still had the element that she wanted us to be sisters again. Given the circumstances, I don’t regret that I could not, but after all my pondering this week trying to focus on the good, I can say there is no question in my mind that she loved all of us to her greatest capability.
Perhaps the reason I was born to be her sister is so that she could teach me not to judge the less fortunate. All my adult life I see the homeless, the addicts, the mentally ill and I see my sister. I see people with stories, families and worth. Perhaps the reason I was born to be her sister is for her to teach me another lesson about the resiliency of the human spirit. Regardless of her mistakes and against the odds, she kept trying. Those are lessons I can share and hopefully teach people to have compassion and help even one person who is struggling be able to overcome the odds.
Michele is at peace now and I wish the same for those that loved her.
noonesense 
Reminds me of my brother a lot, he died when he was only 35 leaving two young daughters. I was never too close, he never allowed it. That was 40 years ago. Life!!!